Grace 10/31/2010
 
Grace an environment that seems to have become to convolute by the church, that we can’t see the forest through the trees.

We so deeply desire this utopia of how the church is suppose to be, based on the what we are raised to believe, that we miss the beauty of what is staring us right in the face.  

God’s grace for us is not measured by how white our teeth are, or by how nice our suits are pressed, but by the offering of our hearts. Grace is offered in the messiness of everyday life. Coming broken in a place where we can walk together in our brokenness and be loved all the more for it. 

To be loved more deeply in our struggles, allowing others to know our true hearts and allowing ourselves to love and be loved in that, that my friend is Grace.  

Living under the lie of performance, that God will love me more, if I can just reach this plateau, when I achieve this, when I can give this, or when I have memorized these verses of scripture, then and only then will He will love me more, or the flip side to that coin, how can He love me, with my sin, my shortcomings, there is no way that He loves me.  

There is NOTHING more I can do in my life to get Him to love me more then He does at this very moment, and no matter how far I fall, no matter how much I stray, He will not love me less. He loves me for who I am , unconditionally, and without fail. 

He is my Father, my Abba, my King, my Lover, the pursuer of my heart, and He loves me unconditionally.

 The last two days have been spent walking in this truth, how amazing it was.
I along with two hundred others lived in this environment. Listening to the truths of God’s love for us through the eye’s of grace. I was like a kid in a candy store when face to face with Bill Thrall, John Lynch and BruceMcNicolo, the authors of Truefaced. Here is one of the hi-lights of the two day seminar, me and John Lynch. Truly amazing.

  

 
Anger Management 05/04/2010
 




Anger Management

By Kelly McFadden

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Proverbs 29:11











 



On May 18th, 1980, Mt. St. Helen’s volcano erupted, becoming one of the most deadly and destructive volcanoes in U.S. history. The eruption shook the mountain until its northern side crumbled and 230 square miles of forest were knocked down in five minutes. The eruption lasted nine hours, turning day into night with a thick black cloud of ash that fell over eastern Washington. In total, 57 deaths are attributed to the eruption, as well as hundreds of miles of destroyed or damaged forest, home and land.

Have you ever been so angry that you felt like a volcano? Bitterness, anger and resentment built until you just couldn’t take it any more, and it suddenly exploded, leaving a path of destruction in its way? Sometimes it begins as an expectation not being met – regardless of whether it was reasonable. At other times, it might be a hurtful thing that was done or said to you that leaves you feeling hurt and angry. Without dealing with anger, it can build and grow, playing out either by isolating, pouting or taking it out on someone else. Oftentimes, the anger and hurt can get so deep, we’re not even sure how it started in the first place.

Then, finally you can’t take it anymore! The anger bubbles and boils until we snap, saying or doing something we shouldn’t. In the end, we are left apologizing, feeling guilty and depressed over something that could have been avoided.

The proverbs found in the Old Testament liken volcanic anger to a fool. It results in out-of-control behavior, causes destruction, and needs repair to fix the mess left in its wake. But, a wise person keeps himself or herself under control, dealing with anger constructively. This doesn’t mean that people allow themselves to be taken advantage of; no, it means they check themselves. Wise people look at the hurt, evaluating both their own role and the other person’s involvement in the hurt. Perhaps they talk to the other person. Wise people forgive. They repent of their part and ask for forgiveness, while forgiving those by whom they were wronged. The wise person realizes that it makes no sense to try to remove the speck from a brother’s eye before removing the plank from one’s own.
 
FEAR OR PRIDE 04/20/2010
 
Our deepest fear of failure haunts and follows us daily. Our existence is driven on our fear of showing our true selves, to show venerability is to show weakness, somehow society has tricked us into believing that to be anything but a workaholic , driving the expensive car, living in the mansion others dream of, your falling short of societies great design.              

 Is our desire for success fueled by our fear of disappointment or pride? Fear of disappointment is simply a fabricated lie by the enemy. Christ takes great delight in us. He knows where your strengths are, He knows your story, and so if He is the designer, the author of your story, how can He be anything short of ecstatic in what we do? God wants great things for us, but not at the cost of the greatest gift He has given, your heart and the hearts of those around you.  The heart is essential to the joy we all seek.

If the drive behind your success is pride, there is a difference between the kind of pride that God hates (Proverbs 8:13) and the kind of pride we feel about a job well done.

The kind of pride that stems from self-righteousness is sin, and God hates it because it is a hindrance to seeking Him. Psalm 10:4 explains that the proud are so consumed with themselves that their thoughts are far from God: “

Seek God when seeking affirmation, he finds great joy in his children.

 

 
 
God's In Control 03/18/2010
 
Only when we conceed to God, giving him the full authority over our lives can we grow in him. 
Only once we accept that he is in control, can we truly have the freedom of our heearts desire. 
 
 
opportunities:

28 | WOODMENJOURNAL.COM GET CONNECTED!

None of us dream of becoming a divorce statistic. We

don’t stand at the altar on our wedding day and envision years of

mediocrity, anger and loneliness, followed by a messy court battle

and shared custody. We want to live the fairy tale. We dream of

a future filled with wedded bliss, obedient children and unending

romance. We want it all. Brian and Vicki Munday were no exception.

Their not-so-perfect story began 19 years ago. There was no sense

at the beginning that anything was wrong. In fact, the early years were

good. But about a decade down the road, they began to drift.

Brian describes their experience: “We were existing. I just

thought this was a typical marriage. This is how it works. I didn’t

know any different.”

Like most couples, communication (or a lack of) played a

significant role. Vicki felt isolated. “I was emotionally lonely.

I couldn’t freely go to Brian and talk about things that were

bothering me.”

With brutal honesty, Brian admits, “I knew in the back of my

mind what she needed. Maybe I just didn’t want to put in the effort.

I didn’t know how to communicate my needs and I didn’t know how

to listen to her needs. Defensiveness

was my default position.”

Vicki relates, “He would shut

me out. I had nowhere to go with my

feelings, so I just held them inside.”

Over time, church became a

sticky subject. Brian harbored anger

toward God over his mother’s

death. Vicki desperately wanted to

attend church as a couple, but Brian

seemed to find excuses for not going. She recalls lonely memories

of sitting in church watching other couples holding hands. Vicki

envied her friends who appeared to have wonderful relationships.

She grieved what was lost.

In April 2008, Brian wounded Vicki in a way that she didn’t

believe could heal. She had prayed for his heart for years, but his

actions cut too deeply. Vicki states it very directly. “I was done.”

She told Brian she wanted a separation.

Brian came to Woodmen’s Pastoral Care department as a

broken man. He desperately wanted to know how he could restore

his relationship with Vicki. For the first time, he was able to

honestly look at his behavior and see how it impacted his family.

Brian considered, “Look at what you’re going to lose. Is it

worth it?” That night, he fell on his knees and prayed, “I can’t do

this without you, God.”

Brian and Vicki had some difficult discussions in the days that

followed. He asked her for a chance to be the man God wanted

him to be. Four days later, they came to Pastoral Care as a couple.

Something had changed. Vicki commented that day, “We’ve never

had this honesty in our marriage.”

As their counseling progressed, they were introduced to

people in the Men’s and Women’s Ministries who were able to

speak truth into their lives. The radical transformation in their

relationship was unexpected and disorienting.

Vicki talks about the change in her own heart. “For the first

time I saw God’s unfailing love. It helped change my mind about

Brian. I realized that God’s unfailing love was not just for me. It

was for Brian as well.”

Brian would never claim that this change was painless. “God

must have a broken 2x4 on his mantle because that’s what he

hit me with.” During that time, Brian began to keep a journal.

He poured his heart out on those pages, feelings of desperation,

helplessness and brokenness. Brian now carries that journal in his

briefcase. It is a constant reminder of how close he came to losing

everything he loves. Vicki calls it nothing less than a miracle. She had

prayed for this for years. “I saw the chains released. I saw more

tenderness in him. He listened. He devoted time to me. I felt

cared for, important, needed. I had a voice.”

Brian observes, “Every couple has problems. What is critical

is how you respond to those problems. We have consciously

decided that we will respond, not react, to each other. We work on

our relationship every day. Healing is an everyday choice.”

They have learned to ask questions—lots of questions. Now

when (not if) they encounter conflict, they ask each other a very key

question: “What did you just hear me say?” It often turns out that

what the other heard was very different than what was intended.

For the first time, they feel they are speaking the same language.

Just as cancer survivors can tell of coming back from

something that could have destroyed them, Brian and Vicki see

themselves as marriage survivors. They have looked divorce full in

the face and lived to tell about it. Their desire now is to help others

who may think their marriage is terminal. With complete honesty,

Vicki can proclaim, “This journey was well worth it if God uses

us to help someone else.” Brian and Vicki are now mentors in

Woodmen’s premarital class.

At their lowest point, Vicki told her husband that he had

burned her soul. Beauty from ashes is not a cliché to her. It is

the truth of God’s power. Leaning forward, she states with deep

conviction. “God can change anyone.”

Brian smiles. “So true. The question is, do you want to change?”

On October 4, 2008 Brian, along with their son Kyle, was

baptized at Woodmen Heights to publicly proclaim his trust in

the God who redeems.

 

 “In your unfailing love, you will lead

the people you have redeemed.”

Exodus 15:13 NIV

KEVIN FELDOTTO WOODMENJOURNAL.COM | 29
 
Date Night 11/07/2009
 
The other day my wife was talking with a customer on the phone. She is in sales so she has been fortunate to make a number of friends across the country. Anyway Vicki’s friend asked how here day was going and Vicki told him everything was going great and she was looking forward to the date we had for later that evening. His response to her was a date? You have a date with your husband? To which Vicki replied yes don't you date your wife? To which his response was, we haven't had a date since we got married he said.
Now until a few years ago, I honestly have to say I was of the same mentality, a date were married, we don't need to date, who do I have to impress...
Until the reality of romance hit me, and I realized how important dating is.
Okay this is a horrible analogy, but marriage and dating are like a car and maintenance, if you don't take care of your car, oil, coolant, brakes, waxing, etc your car will begin to rust and crumble, loose its value and eventually your looking for a new car, because the current condition of your car is less than pleasing to look at let alone drive, if it will even move due to the lack of proper care.
Well your relationship is the same way. If you don't feed your spouse with love, understanding, tenderness, romance and caring, it will also wither. A marriage can only run for so long without the proper nutrients required.

Romance is a necessity in marriage, always giving to the desires of one's heart is essential. When I say giving to one's heart, by that I mean serving the other. A small act of service would be bringing your spouse a cup of coffee in the morning, cooking breakfast, bringing her flowers for no reason, other than to say I love you. Just as important is the heart of a man. Now men are a little different to say the least, but equally important to a man is his wife desiring him, passionately, respecting him, boost our ego ladies, as you require a tender touch, a loving word and compliments, we desire a night of passion. You should be courting each other until your dieing day.

A date night once a week or at least once a month is essential to your relationship. Plan a dinner out, a movie or even a lunch together. During which time yhave children, keep it to a minimum, no more than fifteen minutes if possible.

This is your time together and the focus should be on you and your spouse. The time of day when you go on your date is not important, but the time together is paramount to your marriage.

At first the dating thing might be a little strange, uncomfortable perhaps, but I promise after a couple of times of going out, just the two of you, the changes you will see in your marriage and romance will be amazing. The effort is minimal and the payoff is staggering.ou can discuss anything that comes to mind. If you choose to discuss your kids for those of you that 

 

 
 
Wine Time 10/11/2009
 
About two years ago my wife and I began a tradition of sorts. Well I can't say we started it, we simply followed a daily tradition my parents started when I was a kid. We have dubbed it Wine Time. When my father would come home from work after a long day, he and my mother would sit down in the family room with a glass of wine and discuss the day’s events. Work, the kids, the frustration and accomplishments of the day to day living.

Somewhere I had forgotten about their time spent together, just Mom and Dad. As a kid I saw that Mom and Dad talked, but what I didn't see is that this was the time they reconnected. After being separated by the responsibilities of life and commitments, this was their time to refuel in their marriage.

Vicki and I began taking the time to reconnect when we began to see a distance forming in our marriage.
Let me see if I can set the scene. We come home and get comfortable, sweats, shorts, whatever the weather allows, we pour a glass of wine and light a candle in the family room. The candle is a form of flag telling our boys that this is Mom and Dad's time to sit and talk. The candle is a form of measurement of our time together. Now it took some time for the boys to learn that the candle is an indicator that this is our time, but soon enough they gave us the gift of ”Wine Time". Now you don't have to drink wine, you can have coffee, tea, or a cold glass of water; it’s not about the drink, but the time.

Wine time has gone anywhere from a half hour, to three hours... At times we get lost in just discussing the day, plans for the weekend, a summer trip, or just the challenges of our day.
The only rule of wine time is making it a daily commitment. You may ask yourself, daily? What could we possibly spend three hours talking about? Well the length of time is not important, but the time together is.

That is to say, having that time each day to reconnect. Commit to thirty minutes a day.  Did you know the average couple spends 2.8 minutes a day talking...?  That is less then twenty minutes a week in conversation that means most of us talk more with our boss then our spouses.  I challenge you to try it, your communication will improve, your relationship will improve, and men your sex life will improve.

As much as men are physical, women are emotional; she needs that time of intimacaey as much as she needs air.
Try it, you won't be sorry.
 
Post Title. 10/09/2009
 
On the 18th of September, I was given a birthday gift that quite honestly surpassed my wildest dreams. My wife brought out Jeff from California for a long weekend. Now I have known Jeff since I was about five years of age. We have had a lot of great times together growing up, but this was just amazing. I had not seen him in over three years though we talk on the phone pretty regularley, but that just dosen't cut it, so as a birthday gift Vicki brought out Jeff as a surprise.
We loaded up the motor home and headed up to Mt Princeton here in Colorado, where we spend two days just hanging out.

One of the core ideals of ESIX is walking along side of other men, sharing your walk, experiences failures and successes, that is just what Jeff and I did. The Lord was such a big part of our weekend, words can not describe the joy we experienced. We sat and had a real opportunity to share the roads we had traveled over the last three years in such detail, that there is no other explanation other then this was Christ driven.

We woke up on Saturday at a rather late time of the morning to go fishing, but we decided to give it a shot in this little stream behind the campground. Within seconds of casting I began catching fish and we continued for over two hours of catching fish after fish after fish. When it slowed down we talked more and before you knew it, the fish began again.

Being able to talk with another man of God while he walked along with us in our weekend was a gift I will be forever greatful for. Sharing the heart of Christ and sharing our challanges in life was truly a blessing..

Jeff is one of those friends few of us find in life. A men who knows you as well as you know yourself, he is truly a blessing from God.
 
First Post! 10/03/2009
 
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